It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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