Moan for me like Helen Keller
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
