Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
