The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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