You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
