I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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