Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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