I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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