i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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