Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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