you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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