"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
