Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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