you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
