just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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