I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
