perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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