This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
