Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
