..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
