You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
