we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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