I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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