i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize