Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
