5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
