mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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