I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
