he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Randomize
