Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize