worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
