two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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