why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
