The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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