its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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