so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
