i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
