he thought i was a dude.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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