): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
