Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
