you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
only you would photoshop your dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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