im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
