i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
