WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
