My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
