how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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