We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
