I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
