shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
