I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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