last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
