Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
