I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
