Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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