I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
