If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
