Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
