we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
