watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
