I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so let's talk penis.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
