Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We have so much sex to catch up on
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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