Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
