New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
