Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the condom got lost in my hair
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
