***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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