We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
