What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
