Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
