Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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