woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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