i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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