Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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