im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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