she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
