you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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