Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
