She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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