What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
