If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
