Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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