Swine flu. Run for my life!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Holy sore nipples Batman
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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